Here it is, the grand opening of the Cringey Kitchen. We just chopped the red ribbon with those big pair of scissors, and it fluttered down revealing our homely kitchen. Speaking of chopping things, let’s get right to why you are really here: to cook.
As you can see, there will be a bit of chopping necessary for this first installment of Cringey Kitchen. Be sure to bring your knives and your hands, but be careful how you put those two together.
A lot of people like to say “eat your greens”, but I don’t get it. Cauliflower is one of my favorite veggies, and it’s not green! Sure it has some green leaves on it, but you cut those right off. And even after the green is gone, it’s still good for you. It’s beauty and grace is what really inspired us to create this meal. It’s so commonly a side, but today it is the star of the meal!
Just look at this picture of our cauliflower getting all toasty. Nothing too complicated, but a little salt, pepper, and turmeric. Chef T wanted to battle me over using turmeric in favor of paprika, but you can use either one. We are all on the same side in the kitchen! (Of course, I used turmeric because it is superior, but Chef T refuses to give up on her paprika)
Keep in mind; when given the opportunity to roast something, always roast it, except when you can grill it. Plus, it saves time in this case. When you have the cauli in the oven, you can be flippin your zucchinies and yellow things on the grill. If you don’t have a grill, you can probably use something else, like a hair dryer (just kidding, don’t do that, maybe try to saute it).
Finally, when you find yourself using the blender, don’t twist to take off the top, pull it straight off. Otherwise you might end up with romesco falling out the bottom and all over your nice hardwood floors. Completely hypothetical…
And we ran out of pictures, that’s all you get.
Keep your spices on the food, not the floor,
Your favorite alternative chefs, K & T
Savory Cauliflower Steaks
Ingredients
Cauliflower Steaks
- 1 large head of cauliflower
- salt and pepper to taste
- 1 pinch powdered turmeric
Romesco Sauce
- 1/2 cup raw almonds
- 1 12 oz jar roasted red peppers (drained)
- 1 clove of garlic
- 1/4 cup crushed tomatoes (canned)
- 1/4 cup fresh flat-leaf parsley
- 1 whole lemon's worth of juice
- 1 tsp salt
- 1/2 tsp black pepper
- 1/4 cup olive oil
Side Squash (Optional)
- 1 zucchini
- 1 crookneck yellow squash
Instructions
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Preheat oven to 450˚F.
Cauliflower Steaks
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Slice the cauliflower into ½ inch thick steaks. You will get about 2 - 3 steaks out of a head of cauliflower. You will have loose florets from the edges that you can just throw onto the pan and roast with the steaks.
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Place the cauliflower on a rimmed baking sheet. Drizzle cauliflower with olive oil, then season with salt, pepper, and turmeric. Roast cauliflower for 30 minutes, flip halfway through. You want the cauliflower to be lightly browned and caramelized.
Romesco Sauce
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Combine red peppers, crushed tomatoes, garlic, almonds, parsley, lemon juice, salt, and pepper in a blender or food processor. Blend until smooth, then drizzle in the olive oil until sauce becomes thick.
Side Squash
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For the zucchini and squash, you want to cut them into flat strips. Drizzle squash with olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Throw strips onto grill for a couple of minutes each side. Remove from grill and cut into cubes for plating.
To Serve
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Spoon a large serving of romesco onto a plate, then place zucchini, squash, and cauliflower on top. Garnish with parsley as desired.